If my memory does not trick me, this is not the first time, and surely will not be the last time to have this conversation with him. I said, it won’t be the last time, as I have chosen to be with him, regardless.
And today, the conversation between me and him recurred:
Me: Seharusnya kita tidak pernah dan tidak boleh saling menemukan. You and I should have not crossed the line from the beginning. You keep doing the same thing all over again upon our encounter. You come, then you make me suffer every time. Yes, everytime. It’s partly my fault, as I could not leave you or just abandon you. I am addicted to your presence. I hate you for making me suffer like this, but then I miss you when you are not there.
You: I’m always ready to go. Anytime. At your will. Yet, you always have me back. You are the one who keeps asking me to come back and stay.
Me: I know. I know. And I also know that I have always told my self that it would be the last time to have you. I’m tired and sick of this suffering feeling. *sobbing while touching the part of my body that you have beaten so hard…..
… and that is a glimpse of my abusive relationship with him. I am totally aware that he can be cruel at times but it’s just so hard to leave him behind.
again, for countless times, I realize that I’m officially in an abusive relationship with SAMBAL or SAMBEL, or whatever you name him😢😢😢😢😢😢😢